Tuesday, August 31, 2010

White and Nerdy

I am white, like blindingly so even. I admit, I like some rap. Mainly just whatever’s popular on the radio, Eminem and Tech N9ne. The reactions I get to this are hilarious.

The first experience, was one time me and a friend were driving around with the windows down, I think we were listening to like Nelly or something. Some kind of rap anyway. I pulled up to a stop light. I was the first person in line. The person in the other lane wouldn’t pull up next to us. They were probably about even with my trunk. Cause ya know, two white girls listening to rap are scary business yo.

Another time, I was driving around, windows down, listening to rap again. I drove by this family that was having like a little kids birthday party or something. The dad ran to the end of the drive, all puffed up, like I was going to do a drive by.
Most recently, I was about to pull out of a parking lot. I had the window down and was messing with my iPod cause it was being dumb. So I finally got it to play right, I had on Tech N9ne. There was a black man by a van next to me. When I backed out, he gave me this look like what the hell are you doing listening to Tech?!? It was great.

One time,  in college, I was at a bar. I saw this guy that I went to high school with, but didn’t know. I think I said something to him about going to high school with him. Then my friends and I started dancing. I put my purse down on the floor. After a while, I noticed my purse wasn’t where I left it. That guy was sitting right near where it should have been, so I asked him where it was. This of course meant, “hey you’re black, you must have taken my purse.” Dude. I don’t care what color you are, I just need to know where my monies and stuff are. I found my purse, it must have gotten kicked and wasn’t too far from where I left it.

One time a couple years ago, I went out with, let’s call them Samantha and Steve. We went to this bar. At this bar we met a former NFL player. I had/have no idea who this guy is. Not anyone I’d ever heard of, though I don’t really pay much attention to pro sports. So anyway, we hang out with this NFL star. The bar we were at closed at 2, but bars just across the border closed at 3, so went across the border to continue drinking, Mr NFL came with us. At this other bar, Mr NFL was looking at this girl’s ass. Samantha said something about why he was or something. I said cause she has a big ass, black guys like big butts. This offended Mr NFL, coming from a white girl. So he said something all offended like, what’s that supposed to mean or something. I said my boyfriend is black. Then all the sudden, Mr NFL is all, ah yea home girl knows what it’s all about.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Huge Savings

Last night we went to Wal-Mart to do some shopping. I saw this price tag:


So, that makes it $1.25 per can, you save a whole penny per can! Wow.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Drink the Kool Aid

Yesterday, Midwestern Mamah  wrote about Fred Phelps and how he can suck it. I commented on it, but had too much to say in a comment so am going to write about him.
I have been to a couple of events that his people have picketed. One being my college graduation. What it appears to me is they just want attention. I think we should all just ignore them and not give them what they want. Another event I went to they were at, was a performance of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Which the only reason I can think they were there, was because the venue holds about 20,000 people. They picketed the high school I went to cause it has a Gay Straight Alliance group. They picketed when President Bush came to speak at the university, not sure if they picketed when Bill Clinton came though. Probably. That’s their style.
Every time I’ve seen them, I haven’t really paid much attention to them, actually none at all. It was more “Oh Phelps is here, meh who cares, they’re dumb.” The times I’ve seen them there has only been like 3 to 5 people there. Pretty pathetic for a protest, really.
I think the worst part of their hatred, is them teaching it to their children. I’ve heard a clip of I believe it was Shirley Phelps-Roper asking a young child what do call a person that something something something. And the child responds “A dyke.” It’s so sad to hear it come out of his mouth cause he doesn’t know any better. They also teach the children to walk on the flag. Shirley Phelps-Roper even wears the flag as a skirt.
A radio station I listen to is friends with a couple of Fred’s granddaughters. One, I believe her name is Libby, actually left the family. She said she went on vacation to like the Caribbean or somewhere and realized that nobody knew who they were there and somehow what they taught was crap. Good for her! Since she left, they talked to one of the other grand daughters, Megan I think, who I believe is like in her mid twenties or so. This woman can’t date, thinks dating is dumb.

From what I can tell, pretty much the only members of this hate group/cult are all members of the Phelps family. What is surprising to me that someone would want to marry into this crazy family. I believe at least one of Fred’s sons that is not associated with the church is gay.

I love the anti-protests people hold when they protest, especially how they wayyyy out number the cult. I saw some pictures of one, where a few of the people dressed as angels. That looked pretty cool. I love the bikers that guard the mourners from them. They’ve been banned from the UK, wish we could ban them from the Earth. Actually, why they haven’t drunk the poison yet is really baffling, as according to them God hates America, Sweden, Canada, Australia, probably every country on Earth, so why would they want to continue to be on this Earth. Just drink the cool-aid and go be with your God.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Pull My Other Leg, It Plays Jingle Bells

So at the beginning of 2009, I weight 255. Gross. So I decided I needed to lose weight, so I started working out and what not. Now, this isn’t a story about losing weight, so feel free to pick that donut or margarita back up and continue noming.

At some point in the summer, I think it was early summer, I decided to finally use the pool at the apartment. We’d lived there a year and a half at that point. I was going to use it more but well you’ll see why here shortly.
So one day after work, I went to the pool. I did some laps and did my thing. There was this man there that had to be at least twenty years older than I. We talked about different stuff, I don’t really remember, not important. So I mentioned something about working out and needing to lose weight. Oh, at this point I was about 230. And he told me I didn’t need to lose weight, I looked great. I’m just like yea ok whatever. And he then said, “You can’t weigh more than 115.”

Half my weight. There is no way in hell, you could ever think someone weighs only half what they actually do. Now if it had been only like 20lb difference or something, I could see that. But 115 lb difference, no way. I don’t know what he was smoking or trying to pull.

Then he started peeling dead skin off his legs and just letting it go in the pool. So, that was the first and last time I ever used that pool. The skin thing really grossed me out. And that guy was just overall creepy.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Grammar Nazi

Lately, I’ve seen people complain about grammar and spelling on like twitter and facebook. Normally, I’m it doesn’t bother, but recently it really has, mainly though only through work stuff, cause ya know it should be “professional”.
I used to have this boss that always harped on others being professional. Yet, he was one of the most Unprofessional people ever. He was a stickler for spelling, yet he always spelled stuff wrong. Like, one time he had some pens made for advertising. The pen was supposed to say “Lose the pen and paper” (which how ironic to put on a pen, that you shouldn’t use it anymore.) But what it really said “Loose the pen and paper.”

One time, I emailed a vendor, and he replied back “Thnx”. Seriously. And I got an email, same vendor, different person, they said “they will sent out a new one.” And “Have a happy Firday.” What’s Firday? And how do I have a good one? The man says, Firday is a day when you don’t shave, ewww, how would that be good?!?!

My favorite, was a woman put “they were without NO computers.” On the calendar once…Double negative, so they did have computers, what’s the problem? Salesman are always misspelling words like “electrical” and other words that they use everyday.

People complain that it’s just young people these days that don’t use proper English, which yes it’s true that is a problem. But the people I work with are all old enough to be a parent or grandparent to me!

Monday, August 23, 2010


So after 3 years, I finally got a new phone this weekend.

I went from this:


The Samsung Alias, which when I got the phone, it didn’t have a name yet. It was the u740 or something like that.

To this:

samsung-intensity-2The Samsung Intensity 2. It’s so awesome. My calls are all clear and awesome now. The other one worked well..enough. But a couple months or so ago, I spilled water on it so my calls were staticy. Though they took my old phone and new phone in the back “to move over the contacts.” When I got my phones back, they hadn’t been. Jerks. 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Suck It

So originally, I was going to post about the crazy lady in Manhattan that is a dumb bitch and refused to tell Starbucks how she wanted the bagel she ordered. But then Midwestern Mamah posted about that yesterday on her segment Suck a Fart.

I have my own person that needs to suck a fart. My neighbor. He is so immature, parties every night, loud, obnoxious, and unemployed. At one point he tried to tell us that because of his age he does this, but he’s only a year younger than I am. I have a full time job, I don’t have to drink and do drugs and play loud music every night.

Last night, as I was trying to go to sleep, he was shooting off fireworks! I’m surprised nobody called the cops on him. The man doesn’t want to call the cops on them because he doesn’t want them to do anything to our property. Fireworks are only legal July 1 – 5, as far as I know, at least where I grew up it was, might not be here. Anyway it’s wayyyy past.

One night while trying to sleep he had his music blaring, it sounded like a frickin helicopter. The man went out to ask him to turn it down. He was sitting outside, “Ohh man I wasn’t even listening to it har.” Yea, well we have to, dumbass. I say dumbass a lot when talking about him. Imagine Red Foreman saying it. So Neighbor SUCK A FART OUT OF MY ASS!!

And one of the Do’s on the list, was post lots of pics. So here is one I forgot to post yesterday:

238This is an actual statue at the St Louis Zoo. Somebody really likes monkeys.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Welcome Wednesday

So I was reading a blog today about Do's and Don'ts of blogging. And I disagreed with one point. I had written a big long post about it, but I'm not going to post it. I’ll sum it up. It said “Don’t be vulgar. That turns people off.” I would strongly disagree as I know many “famous” bloggers and blogs I love that would probably be considered vulgar, but that’s who they are and they are amazing.  I was going to list a couple, but now I’m like, “OMG what if they see this and are like yuck why is this dumb person mentioning me.” Though I doubt they would cause they all seem super awesome and love to hang out with them in real life. So if you want names, I’ll list them next time.

Anyway. When I got home I got on facebook, I saw someone on my friends list mentioned a site they found that was amazing. I found this site and wow. It is great. It’s Operation Beautiful. What an amazing idea. More people definitely need to be told this. My man always tells me, and after so many years of hearing the opposite I always disagree. I want to pass on the message. Sometime soon I will. I think I’ll start with posting notes at the gym!



Monday, August 16, 2010

Huge Disappointment

Several times I’ve gone to the gym and see this:

Bud LightA van?….a car?…a vehicle of some sort with Bud Light on the side. The first couple of times I saw it, it got my hopes up. Free Beer? Inside? Yes maam. Only to get in there and no free beer. WTH! What kind of *GYM* doesn’t give offer free beer to it’s clients? Not one I wanna be part of! So once I find a gym that gives free beer and cookies, I’m soooo switching gyms.

To make matters worse…Last Wednesday, I went into the locker room and opened a locker to put my stuff in and this is what I found:

RumAn EMPTY bottle of rum. WTH am I going to do with an empty bottle of rum?!?! I love rum. This was just cruel. I’ve never had Orchard Cherry Rum before and there they are just teasing me showing me what I am missing.

I need to find a better gym with more booze.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


So, I’m probably a bad woman for this, but I don’t keep track of when my period comes. Mostly because it comes a couple days before or after the time it did the previous month.

So yesterday, I kind of got caught off guard by it. I did have a pad in my bag, so when I noticed it, I used that. At work, there’s a big box of tampons that I use. But not even thinking when I left the building to go to the other office, I didn’t grab one. I thought of this as I was driving to the other building, but of course wasn’t going to turn around to grab one. I figured there would be a tampon machine in the bathrooms there since what public building bathrooms don’t. So I didn’t think anything of it. I get there, go to the bathroom, no tampon machine. As I’m leaving for the day, I use the other bathroom, maybe there was one there. Nope.

I had been planning on doing some swimming as part of my cardio at the gym for the day, but was starting to look like I’d have to change my plans. But, I thought to myself, surely the gym would have a tampon machine. There’s probably hundreds of people through there a day and it’s public and there’s a pool. So, I figured I might still be able to swim. I get to the gym and go into the locker room and look in the toilet area and on all walls in the locker room. No tampon. WTH! What is wrong with all of these places?!? How could they NOT have a tampon machine.

I had to ditch the pad to, no way could I work out in that thing. So of course there was lots of blood in my brand new underwear when I got home.  At least they were pink so it wasn’t too bad, but still! All public bathrooms should have a tampon machine and those paper seat covers.

Technorati Tags: ,,,,

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Dog Barbecue Sauce

The other night we were at the grocery store, and I noticed, I believe it was called “Dog Sauce.”

Now this confused me greatly. Shouldn’t this be in the Korean or Asian aisle? Sauce to put on your dog meat. If so, do Korean’s only have one kind of sauce for their dog? I would think it would be more like when you go to a Chinese Buffet, and they have walnut chicken, sweet and sour, orange, and so on and so forth. Tens of types of sauce for chicken.  Though, it did specify between puppies and dogs, so apparently you have to a different kind of sauce. Obviously the puppy meat would be a lot more tender so it would be more of a milder sauce. (I’ve been to a Great City BBQ once, I know this stuff).  I would also think a puppy sauce would be sweeter, as they are innocent and haven’t had much time to get into a lot of trouble.

Or if it’s for your dog to eat, why? Dogs lick their butts, why do we need to make their food taste better?!? They drink from the toilet. They sniff each other’s butts. So I think it’s safe to say, their palates are not very refined and necessitate fine dining. Yes, I know barbecue isn’t really fine dining, but for a dog, it is. And it depends on where ya live, I live near a city that is known for it’s barbecue. When has a dog ever said to you, “Hey, my food is a little dry and bland, I need some sauce to put on it.”

Monday, August 9, 2010


I don’t watch the news very often, ok really at all, at least not by choice.
I have discovered recently, that this is a very good thing, as news reporters are dumb.

The other day I was in the locker room at the gym getting changed (hrmm..seems I talk a lot about the locker room recently. Maybe it would help more if I used the gym equipment and not just go hang out in the locker room.) and the news was on. I heard the news lady say “A teen was arrested. The mother had the money for bail and didn’t pay it. Is this bad parenting?” I’m like WTH! Why would you ever ask that?!?! It’s not like she’s the first parent to do so and hopefully parents don’t start thinking it’s bad to leave them in there because of trash like this. My brother got arrested and just left in jail. Kids need to learn a lesson and bailing them out doesn’t do it. I can’t believe that would be said.

And then the other night, we were watching tv and the show we were watching ended and before we turned the channel saw some of the news. It was talking about they were closing a couple of the lanes on the highway this weekend to fix pot holes. They had a guy bitching about the lanes being closed. I’m sure it’s one of the same people bitching there are pot holes too. At least they close it on the weekend when there’s less traffic that has to get to work and slowing down rush hour. Though it was amazing to see both days, the idiots that still tried to go that way and the traffic wayyy backed up. Saturday we’d gone out and knew to avoid that way of the highway and came back on the highway.  Some people just aren’t happy unless they are bitching.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Death Cat

So lately, every once in a while, the cat has started waking me up super early to cuddle.

Now I had always wanted a cat that would sleep with me, since I was really little. Now, it just creeps me out.

We’ve had the cat since January and this cuddling this is new just about a week or two. The reason it creeps me out is you’ve all probably heard about those cats that live in old people’s homes that predict people’s deaths? If not go here

So this cat would go to people’s rooms and lay on them a couple hours before they died. So with this sudden wanting to be near me, I can’t help but to think, she’s predicting my death. That I will die somehow later that day.
So far, I haven’t died…That I know of anyway. Though I’m pretty sure I haven’t as I’ve never met a zombie that could type. And I don’t have a craving for brains. Though, with the people I work with and share the road with, brains are definitely lacking, so maybe it could be one of those things where the people I’m around don’t have brains so it doesn’t elicit any cravings for them. So if I went to like NASA or somewhere super smart people work, I would go into a frenzy.

I don’t think I’ve died, I haven’t seen any super bright lights either. Except at night on the highway, and I can’t get to those as there’s a cement barrier on the highway, I wouldn’t want to hurt my car. I also haven’t seen Jennifer Love, Chip Coffey, Amy Bruni, Kris Williams, Grant Wilson, Jason Hawes, Dave Tango, or Steve Gonsalves hanging around. Though, that part would be hella cool and I wish that would happen. They all seem like really nice cool people.

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Lights are on but nobody’s home

So like I’ve mentioned, people at work are dumb.

The newest fad, leaving the lights off in offices.  I hate this. I don’t have an office. But the one manager, told another “cause it’s cool.” Well the second regarded this as in temperature, when I heard it said I thought as in hip. “They’re going green” GAY.

It’s so annoying cause the lights on is a sign the person is actually here. So now it’s like, oh so and so is gone, walk by and their talking on the phone or whatever. ARGH. I’ve discussed this with other, smarted people than I am surrounded by at work, heat rises, turning off the lights doesn’t affect it. But then again person 2 is very easy and can be talked into anything.  Person 2 has claimed, oh yea it really is a lot cooler in here with the lights off.” Though, for me, I’m always freezing in the office and wearing a jacket.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

So cruel

Sorry, I suck at titles.

So ya know what’s kinda ironic but totally cruel?

Having restaurants near like gyms and weight loss places.

I drive home from the gym and have to drive by a million restaurants. Sometimes it smells soooo good. And so evil. I feel my arties clogging just from the smell.

It’s cruel to the people working out cause they as they are going in the gym or coming out, smell all the amazing smells. And thus are more likely to go eat there. Cause hey! I just worked out, I can afford the calories. Or they don’t eat it and are just like, man that smells sooo good. Smells a lot better than the celery I’m going to have for dinner.

Cruel to the people eating cause it’s like hey there fatty. You just ate all that really shitty food and you should come in a burn it off. You’re a disgusting slob that doesn’t care about your health.

In Capital City there was a plaza with a pizza buffet and Chinese buffet with a like Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers or something like that. I know it certainly made me feel bad coming out of the pizza buffet.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Could you drive any better with that phone shoved up your ass?!?!

I would like to make a PSA:

WHEN WEATHER CONDITIONS PERMIT, GO THE FRICKIN SPEED LIMIT. This afternoon as I was driving to the gym from work, I got stuck behind a woman going 40, in a 65. Seriously?!?! There was absolutely no reason to go that slow. There was a ton of space between them and the car in front of them. I have always said, if you are too scared to go the speed limit in good conditions, get off the damn road!

I hate driving. I really do. I wouldn’t want to give to give it up cause of the freedom and what not. But some people really just should not be behind the wheel. Put down the damn phone, stop texting and drive. Every time someone is going slow or swerving they are always messing with the phone.

One time a couple years ago, I was driving home from work, traffic was backed up going the opposite direction. In the middle of of the backup, there was a person with their hazards on. They weren’t pulled over or anything, just sitting in traffic with hazards. At first when I saw this, I thought, hmm, that’s kinda weird. Then as I thought about, I realized it’s actually a good idea. If all the shitty drivers had to drive with hazards on, how awesome that would be? Then you would know who the idiots to look out for are.

Though sometimes, you really can predict these idiots. One time I was driving to work and I saw this person switch lanes like 4 times, getting closer to me. And sure enough, they started to come into my lane right, when they were right next to me. Idiot.

So what I need is someone to drive me around. They would have to wait for me and be there to pick me up immediately. I always hated waiting for my dad to pick me up from school. So any volunteers? I can’t afford to pay you more than in love and appreciation, but really? What more do you need in life?

Monday, August 2, 2010


So I’m not really too conservative but sometimes…

So like normal, I went to the gym after work. I walked into the locker room, and the first thing I see? A woman standing at the trashcan wearing only a bikini bottoms. So this part not too disturbing, was like eh whatever. But the 5 – 10 minutes I was in there changing clothes, she was just standing there almost naked. She did some stretching, some squats, rubbed lotion all over her body and checking herself out in the mirror.

Wow..I sound like a real creeper. I wasn’t staring, it was hard not to see. I guess at least she wasn’t fat. But still who just stands there staring at themselves in a public locker room for like 10 minutes.

Though, it reminds me of when my grandma lived with us. One day I had taken a shower and then dyed my hair. I decided to just leave the towel on until it was time to rinse it out, and rinse it out in the shower. So I was walking through the kitchen where my grandma and dad were watching tv, to go downstairs to the shower. Now my grandma hated me for whatever reason and wouldn’t talk if I was in the room. So as soon as I was out of her sight, I heard her tell my dad, “She doesn’t dress very modestly.” So of course my dad was like, “She’s taking a shower, what do you think she should be fully dressed?” Apparently.

Or when my mom bought me a spaghetti strap tank top and I was wearing it then she had a cow. “OMG What are you wearing?!? You need to put on more clothes.”

Of course there are going to be naked people in a locker room, but discretion people.  You change as quickly as possible and get on.