Vaginas

So one night me and the man were watching Family Guy, when it was over, before we had a chance to change the channel The Doctors came on. We normally don’t watch it, but this night, I got sucked into by the topic.

There was a woman that was asking about her vagina. She said something like her man said he loves the smell of her vagina but she didn’t think it really smelled good. And so asking if it was possible for a man to like the smell of a woman’s vagina. I’m pretty sure that doctor man said that men do like the smell of vagina.

Now, being a woman and having been in a public women’s bathroom pretty much everyday, I find this perplexing. Ya know sometimes you go in a the previous woman’s vagina smell is still hanging in the air, and it is NASTY. I dunno, maybe it’s just because I’m not a man that I think it’s gross, but I really don’t think so. I don’t see how any human on earth good like that smell.

Is the opposite true too? Are women attracted to the smell of a man’s penis? I know I’ve never been like “Wow! That Penis smells awesome!” Maybe it’s just me or maybe vaginas are just so much better than penis’, that they even smell better.

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Dicks.

I was feeling really good about myself this past Friday morning. Fridays, someone brings doughnuts to work. I was able control myself and not have one this morning. A couple of the guys were like oh it’s ok have one. I was like If I had one then I would have to spend another hour working out at the gym. And actually later, I was tempted to have one, I looked in the box, and had absolutely no desire to have one. They didn’t look good at all to me. Which is amazing, as there was a sprinkle doughnut, and that has been my weakness. Any other type of doughnut I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at, but sprinkles I would always cave and eat it. Today, no desire what so ever to eat it.

Then I needed to get away from my desk, so I went to the other building to eat lunch. As I was sitting there eating in a cube hidden from view, I hear those same old men talking. “You see the size of her lunch box? Man, she’ s really going to need to go to the gym after eating that.” That hurt so much. What was in my lunch box? I had a Hot Pocket Panini, grapes, broccoli, and string cheese. Total about 400 calories.”

Dicks.

That totally shattered me.  The one thing that actually made me fell good today, and they had to ruin it.

GPS Woes

So  one reason I have been away from my blog for a while is vacation. So of course we had the GPS to tell us where to go, but sometimes, it was frustrating. Like the first night, we decided to go see Knight and Day and used the GPS to get to the theater. Started out North on highway X, no prob. It said to exit onto East highway Y, alright. Then, it tells us to exit on to South highway X, what the…. Then it tells us to exit onto West highway Y, WTF. Seriously. It had us drive in a big four leaf clover. Why didn’t it just say West Highway Y to begin with!?!?!  It would say crazy stuff like “Exit in 2 Miles.” But the screen said the exit was in 1 mile, and signs on the highway said 1mile. Driving home it was just highway Z all the way, pretty easy. One point I was asleep, and the GPS told the man to get off on some exit….uhhh no.
This reminds me of all those stories you read in the news about people listening solely to the GPS and not paying attention to the road. So like the GPS says “Turn right here.” Where there’s no road, but they do what it says anyways and drive off a cliff. Though now I think about it, I think that’s a good help to Darwinism. It’s sad all the stupid warnings on stuff, because people have actually done them. It makes me sad how stupid people are these days. It reminds me of how parents always used to say “If your friends jumped off a bridge would you too?” Apparently the modern version is, “If your GPS told you to jump off a cliff, would you?” And surprisingly the answer is yes, yes they would. “Well if the little magic talking direction box says I should turn there, it must know better than me. Har.”

The Joys of Womanhood

So a couple months back, I did a 30 day trial of vegetarianism. I did it in hopes of losing some weight. The first two weeks were exciting, I lost 2 pounds each week. Then after that, I gained it back. During this time I ate a lot of Boca burgers. I learned something, Boca burgers have estrogen. I’m not sure if it’s added or just natural from the soy. So all this extra estrogen, I had a really heavy period during this time. The next couple were really light as I didn’t have that estrogen to boost anymore. Without even thinking, I started eating the Boca burgers again. We had them, they needed to be eaten, I ate them.  I just happened to eat them when I was on one of those really super light periods. This caused my period to last 2 weeks. TWO FRICKING WEEKS!#$@)$%#!%&#$()@%  My period had started on a Saturday and was super light. The following Friday, it got super heavy and lasted another week.

This scared me. Just in the way that, omg did boca burgers f’ me up completely? Will I ever have a normal period again without having to take estrogen? Did my body get lazy and just say hey sweet I don’t have to do this for myself anymore?

Then I got my current period. And it is completely normal! Yay. When I started I expected it to do what seemed to become the norm, and super light. Like it was so light, nothing ever came out onto underwear or pad. So after work, I went to the gym. When I was done my underwears were bloody, good thing I was wearing red shorts.

Which reminds me of when I was probably 12 or so and just starting to get periods. I had gone to the open house at the local college and was helping out with some animals. So most of the day I was straddling this hay bail. I got there probably about 7am. About noonish I went to the bathroom, and realized I started my period and the crotch was completely red. I had been sitting with my legs wide open all morning. I was wearing white sweats. I didn’t have any money on me to get a pad. I asked my friends little brother to borrow 50 cents. He was like “oh you want to get a tattoo” or some other stupid little thing. I just kinda grinned, oh yea of course. So I put a pad in, tied my sweatshirt around my waist and kept my legs closed the rest of the day.  

Gravel on the Road

Happy Canada Day for everyone in Canada!
Happy 4th of July to everyone in the states!

In honor of everyone that is traveling this holiday I wanted to share a story.

I used to have a friend, let’s call her Hailey. Hailey was a pathological liar and actually I think frenemy is a better term for her. I know she talked shit about me behind my back, and well I talked shit about her behind her back.

So several years ago she had some kind of Ford Focus. The sports car edition, whatever that is. So one day all of the sudden, we noticed she no longer has this car. Her story: She wrecked it. She was driving down Popular Street, going about 5 under the speed limit, and at one point the street curves. At this curve apparently there was some gravel. So as she was taking this curve and hit the gravel and rolled her car, totaling it.

Seriously? Man said this same road, he would take to and from work too, and there was no gravel. And even if there was? There’s no way there would be enough to wreck your car. This was a highly used road, no way there would be a ton of gravel on it.

What we are pretty sure, what happened: She’s poor. Her family is poor. This was a car no way they could afford. It got repo’ed!

So moral of the story, watch for gravel when traveling. Call the State’s DOT and make sure the sweep all roads you will be traveling on so that you don’t roll your car.

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