Monday, June 14, 2010

Black Pepper and Dead Bodies

I hate ants! Seriously, our kitchen looks like a spice bomb exploded. Pepper, chalk, windex, and dead bodies everywhere.

Somehow we got invaded by ants I dunno, week or two ago. It wasn’t very bad. Now, they are like everywhere. Like, I’m sitting at work and look down at my desk, and there’s one of the like m f’ers walking by like he belongs here.

Like any normal human being, when the ants became crazy, the man of the house, went to the intarwebs to find how to get rid of them. The first thing he found was chalk. And lucky us, we had a piece that had been left on the driveway by some neighborhood kids. So he took that and rubbed in the corner of the door in the kitchen. I’m not sure, but I think that might have just made it more fun for them. Ya know, they see this chalk and get all excited, “wooo they left us some art supplies! Let’s walk in it and draw pretty pictures.” Of course this had to be what happened, because after this they seemed to be more of them.

It got really bad the other night, I made some delicious cookies. I left the bowl I mixed them up in on the counter all night and all the next day while we were out doing our thang. When we got back, the bowl was literally completely filled with ants. I think they thought we were throwing them a party. “Wooo look at this yummy cookie dough remnants! Score!” So when I discovered this party, I was obviously mad and jealous that I wasn’t invited, so I turned it into a pool party, and drowned all those m f’ers.

This is when all of the rest came out to play. There was a conga line along the edge of the floor. So the man looked up at the intarwebs again and saw windex would kill them and pepper was supposed to keep them away. So, I was in the basement watching movies, and could smell all the windex clear down there and was starting to get a buzz. When I walked in the kitchen next, there were dead bodies everywhere. The counter had pepper all over it, the floor had pepper all over it, and the chalk from before had pepper all over.  And yet, the ants remained to march around like they owned the place, which really? If they would just help out with the mortgage and utilities, then it wouldn’t be so bad, but they are free loading and I don’t appreciate it.

So finally late last night we went to the store to get some real ant killer. Of course, I think those ants control the weather, because as soon as we pulled into a parking space at the store, rain started coming down hard. We ran for our lives into the store. Picked out our items and paid. By the time we were done, when I stepped outside the store, the water was already so high it was up to my ankle! The streets were already flooded, and we’d only been in the store *MAYBE* 15 minutes. Those suckers created a flash flood just to try to stop us! It didn’t work, so now we have ant traps set out and they better work.


  1. It is ant season here too. I don't know how those little suckers get in, but they do. Hate those little suckers, and dont even start me on the flies! We are engaged in mortal combat.

  2. Ugh, I hate ants. I hope you can get rid of yours.

    Thank you for stopping by my blog.

  3. Here it is flies!! I love the heat, so I am anti-air conditioning, each night I shut off the heat and open the doors and windows. OMJ it feels so good....but then the Jeff Goldblums start finding their way in.....GAH!!!

  4. We had ants a few months ago and I pretty much bought every chemical killer I could find to destroy them! Made me feel a whole lot better.

  5. I HATE when that happens. That happened to us. We went on vacation and I'd left an empty wrapper on the floor, there was a trail of ants in our bedroom. And anytime we left anything with a speck of food in our kitchen, they came. We got the bug man to come and he put out these little plastic "houses" for them and those suckers were GONE. GROSS.

  6. Yes ants should have made it on my 'Things I Hate' Post! Thanks for stopping by and I'm a new follower!

  7. Am I the only one who heard Gus Portocullis saying "Put some Windex on it." when I read this post?